A festive buzz in the air

I must mention this - it is the run-up to Christmas, a particularly important time of year for the beekeeper. Success or failure depends on what you do now.

I make my plans for next year and get my kit ready: spare brood boxes for doing Demarees, nucs (because I always need nucs), spare floorboards, a couple of spare hives, a new suit, and another new veil.

Now is the time to start buying all these beautiful bits of kit that you need. Yes, there are sales on, so the price is right, but the main thing is that with all those presents ordered from Amazon for Aunty Flo and the scabby kids, a few more parcels coming in should slide nicely under the radar and be stored in the bee shed unnoticed.

Come Christmas Day, no one is going to remember that twenty-eight parcels were delivered and only twenty are under the Christmas tree.

Of course, if there are only two presents under the tree and twenty-six stashed in the bee shed, you might need to come up with a very elaborate excuse - and perhaps think about engaging a lawyer.

One other thing to remember is to specify plain packaging. A big box wrapped up in parcel tape with “Thorne’s Beehives” written all over it is a bit of a giveaway. Companies selling adult toys can manage plain packaging, apparently, so why not people like Thorne’s and Abelo? Beekeeping is all about being subtle.

If you need to throw out suggestions for yourself to fend off the inevitable arrival of a pair of bee-illustrated socks (bloody uncomfortable because of the embroidery digging into your foot), don’t go for “buy me a new beehive, bee suit, or extractor” -  unless you’re going to order it yourself - because the wrong thing will arrive and you’ll still need to be grateful.

My top suggestions for worthwhile gifts are:

A vaporiser for oxalic acid. There are a few cheap and cheerful ones for slipping into the entrance of a hive, and they’re very handy - except for the car battery you must lug around with them. Best of all is one that uses the batteries that go with your cordless tools.

A good book. Now, you have to be careful to be specific here. In my opinion, all the “how to” beekeeping books are a total waste of time. Research has found that we absorb, at best, twenty per cent of what we read in a book, compared to eighty per cent if we actively engage in doing something. And when there are twenty thousand bees swirling around your head and one stinging your hand, that twenty per cent goes down to zero.

Here are two good books that I can thoroughly recommend. Apart from being a completely absorbing read, they look damn good on the coffee table, and people will think what an intelligent person you are:

“The Bee Book” by Fergus Chadwick. There are some “how-tos” in this book, but it’s mainly a lead-in to the fascinating lives of bees. It’s a charming read that tells you all about bees - how they evolved, how they live and interact with nature, and all the benefits of having them around. Priced at £16.99 (does that extra penny make a difference?), even the tightest child who hasn’t grasped the concept of giving rather than receiving can afford it.

“The World History of Beekeeping and Honey Hunting” by Eva Crane. This book is out of print but widely available online. It’s reassuringly expensive, and it will keep you quiet all over Christmas - immersed in the history of your hobby while ‘The Towering Inferno’ plays out its inevitable demise in the background.

Lastly, any book by Thomas D. Seeley. Presents for anybody else are easy: give them jars of honey - except your partner, possibly not the best idea. Let them look at the holiday brochures, but be careful to point out that due to fiscal demands and your workload, it will have to be a staycation between March and August.